Yesterday, I got some new friends and we had a lovely lunch and talked for a while.
I told them my story, since they asked about what I do, why I moved to Los Angeles, what my dreams are and how it was to move to a whole new world and doing it all alone.
It was very interesting for me as well to hear what people think about my story and what they are wondering.
So after telling them about it all, they were very impressed and one of them said “But aren’t you ever afraid?”.
And I said “Yes” before even thinking about it.
It has always been such a tabu to say you are scared. “You must never show fear” and so on.
But the truth is, of course I’m scared.
I know he ment like “Aren’t you scared because you are alone”, and that, I’m not.
Because I’m not alone. Not at all. I have great friends her that I spend almost every day with. And I have a lot of friends and family back home in Norway who supports me and got my back at all time.
No, that I’m not afraid of.
What scars me is the my fear of not making it.
I guess for many people its hard to understand, and I wish I could be even better at showing it, but my dream of becoming an actress is so intense and strong I don’t know how to express it.
It is the only thing I want to do in life, and I want it so bad I can find myself crying and screaming my heart on the floor in pure fear of not making it.
I want to scream it out to the whole world how much this dream mean to me, I would walk barefoot around the world on pieces of glass just to have a chance to show it.
I want to be an inspiration. I want to entertain.
And it scars me more than anything that I know the only thing I can do is to work hard. And that’s all I can do. And if that’s not enough, then nothing has any meaning to me anymore. Because my work is my whole world, and as weird as it might sound for many people, it’s what I live for.
So yes, of course I’m scared.
I’m scared I wont make it, I’m scared I’ll never get a chance to show how important this is to me.
If I’m not good enough, if they say no, than that’s fine. I will work. I will get better. Because a “No” means that I at least have had a chance, and then its all up to me. And yu can always get better.
This is a dream I have carried with me since I was a kid, and I’m not just saying that. This is the only thing I have always said I wanted to do and wanted to be.
I have always known this is what I wanted, this is my mission in life.
And there have always been people who have doubted it. Always. They have laughed at it, rolled their eyes on me, sometimes I have actually felt bullied for it.
But there have also always been those people who have supported it, supported me. Believed in me. And they still do. That tells me every day that I’m good at this and that I one day will make it there.
Making it in Hollywood, is exactly what people say it is. Its hard. almost impossible, and maybe my chances had been better if I never moved. You know, Norway just got nominated for an Oscar this year and are doing very well in the movie business.
But I have always had a dream about Hollywood. Always had a feeling that this is where I’m suppose to be. At least for now. Because even if I know that it’s almost impossible to make it here, it’s just almost.
There is a little chance there, other people have made it that came here with nothing, and knowing that, makes me hold my head up high, keep fighting and believing.
Havent you ever wanted anything so bad you were willing to give everything you have for it? So you know how it feels.
I don’t know how, but one day someone are going to see how bad I want this, see how hard I work for it and how passionate I am about it.
I don’t know how, or when, but it will happen. It must happen. because this is what live for.